Being Goldilocks: discussing women’s safety 

A new social media trend is shedding light on broader discussions about gender-based violence.

Goldilocks was a curious young girl, named after her beautiful, golden-blonde hair that oh-so-cutely adorned her head. Donning a beautiful baby blue dress, she ventured into the woods and came across a house. She entered the house and found three chairs — the smallest one was very comfortable for her. On the kitchen table, she saw three bowls of porridge. The first one was too hot, the second one was too cold, but the last one, being just right, she ate every last morsel of it. Then, she found three beds, and, yes, she picked the third one, which was just right for her. She fell asleep and woke up later in horror to find three men staring at her incredulously. She ran out of the house and vowed never to return there again. 

That’s not how you remember the fairy tale ending, right? It’s a bit rushed. Only the most important parts are told with no pedantic childlike expressions to illustrate an issue that has recently taken the internet by storm, raising, once again, a huge discussion on the safety of women, gender wars, and critique of a patriarchal Western society since the #MeToo movement. 

In early May 2024, a TikTok video surfaced where an interviewer asked several women one question: “If you were stuck alone in the woods, would you rather encounter a man or a bear?” The overwhelming answer was the bear. Shocking? To some. Unsurprising?  To many others.  

Of course, some women gave responses as to why they chose the bear. The man is most likely someone they do not know. The man is someone they do not instinctively trust.  

Possibly the most gut-wrenching reason was “the worst a bear can do is kill me.” 

Women can trust a bear to be a bear, but can’t trust a human man to be humane.  

Reactions from both sexes 

This question of man versus bear has garnered notoriety amongst men and women, with the former actually proving that women would be much safer with the bear. This question has allowed women to talk about their own experiences with men, providing life lessons about living in a patriarchal society.

The response from men, however, was to perpetuate the harmful stereotypes by making disturbing and violent memes about bears attacking women and taking joy in it. Sure, a small percentage of men understand why women choose the bear (even these men say they’d rather come across a bear than another guy).,

 Yet, this discussion highlights how men often become offended by the truth of gender disparities while women are forced to remain silent or even comfort them.

What a bear wouldn’t do 

Now, let’s start with something simple: bears are dangerous. Bears are deadly. Bears are not to be cuddled and approached. Do not go after their cubs. Bears also do not attack if they do not feel threatened by you. A bear usually prefers to avoid people. A man, however, is more likely to chase after you even when you first say “no.”

According to the National Statistics Domestic Violence fact sheet: 

• 1 in 4 women and 1 in 9 men experience severe intimate partner physical violence, intimate partner contact sexual violence, and/or intimate partner stalking with impacts such as injury, fearfulness, post-traumatic stress disorder, use of victim services, contraction of sexually transmitted diseases, etc. 
• 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have experienced some form of physical violence by an intimate partner. This includes a range of behaviours (e.g. slapping, shoving, pushing) and in some cases might not be considered “domestic violence.”  
• 1 in 7 women and 1 in 25 men have been injured by an intimate partner. 
• 1 in 10 women have been raped by an intimate partner. Data is unavailable on male victims. 
• 1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men have been victims of severe physical violence (e.g. beating, burning, strangling) by an intimate partner in their lifetime. 
• 1 in 7 women and 1 in 18 men have been stalked by an intimate partner during their lifetime to the point in which they felt very fearful or believed that they or someone close to them would be harmed or killed. 
• Women between the ages of 18-24 are most commonly abused by an intimate partner. 

You’ll have noticed a rather jarring difference in the number of female victims and male victims. 

Why women choose the bear 

Perhaps women’s preference for the bear stems from childhood magic.? Growing up on Winnie the Pooh, Little Bear, and other anthropomorphic animals have convinced us that all bears are cuddly and friendly. Or maybe because we have seen firsthand what a man can do.  

Goldilocks aside, Beauty and The Beast shows little girls that looks can be deceiving. We were all so happy when Belle chose the Beast over Gaston (and a little bit disappointed when he turned back into a human). 

I think the best way to answer why women choose the bear would be to take a look at certain infamous cases of violence against women. 

A cute, innocent-looking bear or bear cub will naturally react based on how cautious you are, rather than a cute, innocent-looking man who uses his looks to attack women. 

A bear, who may look cuddly and as if it suffered an injury of some sort, will most likely leave you alone to deal with its own issues, rather than a man who uses his charm and fakes injuries to lure women to their demise at his hands. 

If a bear does attack and decides to eat you, you will die, quite painfully and brutally, but that’s the worst it can do. It won’t try to use your remains as feed for its pigs. 

If you play dead, a bear would most likely leave you alone, looking for live, vulnerable prey. A man, on the other hand… 

Bears do not have the wit or wickedness to act violently against women — everything is instinctual with them. Men have found a way to weaponize women’s feelings, trust, and vulnerability to serve themselves and fulfill their misogynistic needs. 

Men should not take offence to being picked over a grizzly bear by a woman. Rather, they should sit down and listen to why the bear is picked. Women have just as much right to fear for their safety in the presence of a bear as a man does, but men need to understand that their daughters, mothers, aunts, and sisters, are targets every day for lecherous men.  

If you were to read Goldilocks and the Three Bears to children, or maybe for your own entertainment, how would you prefer it to end, with Goldilocks being found by three bears or by three adult men?